I wrote this letter over a year ago to my oldest daughter as she was about to graduate. I look back on it and see the many lessons I have learned and took the time to share with her.
April 13, 2012
Jenna Lee,
You are a gift.
Twenty-two years ago you came into my life in a big rush and changed it forever. It took me days to think about what I wanted to say to you, as you get ready to graduate and embark on the rest of your life. There are so many things I want to say and I have to resist the urge to steal you away and keep you with me! One thing for sure is that I know you are ready. You have always been ready. I don’t remember a moment when you ever truly hesitated. You may have needed a little prodding at times but once you were on your way, you never looked back!
I remember when it was your turn to follow Jordan to nursery school. You never once cried when I left you. There was no drama, you were just ready to go and take on a new adventure. It is how you have always been. Brave, confidant, self-assured and a true leader. As you get ready to graduate I want to act strong but inside I am terrified because I so want you to be happy and selfishly it is hard to do the one thing no mom ever wants to do – let go. So I am writing you a little bit of advice from me to you. Just some things that I think are important and mean a lot to me. I hope it helps you.
Never be afraid to cry. I know sometimes you don’t want to be emotional in front of people, but it is what makes you someone others can relate to. It shows your humanity and the depth of your caring.
Don’t be afraid to love. I know you have been hurt in the past. Unfortunately, you will most likely be hurt in the future (although I hope not). It might not be by a man in your life, but one of your friends. I have found that these times in my life have really made me a better person and helped me grow and evolve emotionally. It is worth the risk.
Go and LIVE each day! You don’t ever want to come to a time in your life when you look back with any regrets. My life has been crazy with always so many things going on - but I can look back and say WOW – I was really LIVING my life. There was never a dull moment and I can reminisce and be thrilled with the experiences I have had. You of course were a big part of that. I want the same for you.
Get married and have kids! I know you will, but I just want to tell you that it will be the BEST thing you ever do. It is more important and rewarding than any career. As a woman, it is challenging and the world wants to pull us in many different directions. I just want you to know that you don’t have to have a career to be a successful woman. My success as a mom is the absolute best most rewarding part of my life. This is not to say you shouldn’t have a career, just don’t ever put it first because it is not that important. Just my opinion.
Believe in God with all your heart and pray often. There may be times in your life when your faith waivers. I know, mine has. My heart always leads me back to God and I truly give thanks to Him for the blessings I have in my life. He has never let me down when I stop worrying and let Him take over. He has a plan for you – this has always been so evident to Dad and I. I hope you find a great man like your Dad who shares your faith and is there to hold you up when you need it.
Stay connected to your friends. I have some of the best friends a woman could ever ask for. Appreciate them and take the time to nurture them as well. They will be there for you for all the good and bad times in your life and the value of these friendships has no measure. When a friend is going through a bad time and tells you that you don’t need to come – don’t believe her. It’s not true. Go. Be there by her side. You will not need to say a word but your presence will mean the world to her. If you have a friend who continually hurts you, then she is not a friend. The energy you spend on her takes time away from your friends who really care about you. It can be hard to let go – but sometimes it needs to happen.
Take lots of pictures. It might sound funny, but it’s true. When life gets busy, time flies and it is so meaningful to be able to look at pictures to remember special moments in your life.
Follow your heart and LOVE what you do. I am telling you with conviction that if you love what you do, you will be the BEST at it and you will never work a day in your life. Stay true to who you are and what you are passionate about. So many people go through life unhappy with their jobs. No money or possessions are worth it because happiness dwells in the soul. Don’t settle for mediocre.
Have fun, dance, and laugh loud and strong. You have a personality that lights up a room and spreads joy. Don’t ever hesitate to enjoy all that you are! Who cares who sees you? One thing I have learned is that positive energy attracts more positive energy. All you have to do is look at your friends to confirm my theory.
Be a leader and set the example for others to follow. There have been times in my life when I didn’t want to be the leader and I wanted someone else to take charge. What I realized is that I was not only modeling behavior for my peers but also for my kids. Some of my proudest moments have been when I watched you lead.
Expect the best from yourself, and that’s what you will get. Always.
When you see someone who needs help, help them, no matter how inconvenient it might be. There have been times in my life when I have seen someone struggling with something and every time I have stopped to offer assistance I end up walking away feeling like I have gained so much more than I offered. HOWEVER – never put yourself at risk to help someone when you are alone. Unfortunately we as women, have to be cautious and aware of situations that might compromise our own safety.
Have patience. This is something I struggle with. You are amazing at it, which is why I know you would be excellent working with children or those folks that society doesn’t seem to appreciate. Don’t let the pressures of life take this away from you.
Learn to cook. Yes, I said it and I know you have it in you! I just think this is a skill that impacts your whole life. Family mealtime is the cornerstone of developing relationships. You will want to be able to prepare a meal that your kids love and want to be a part of. So, take the time to learn and ask me for help! I wasn’t always a good cook, believe me, there were lots of calls to Grandma! I just want you to value how this skill will impact you in the long run.
Be adventurous. This is one thing I am not that good at. You on the other hand continue to impress me with your courage to go and do things that petrify me. As much as I want to tell you to stop and stay close to me, I know this is not what will make you happy or be the best for you. Your experiences certainly help you frame your world and have made you become the outstanding person you are. I just wish your adventures didn’t have to be so extreme! HaHa.
Finally, take time to do things for yourself. This is one thing I have not been good at but I have seen that when I do, I get rejuvenated. You will be a better person when you do this. Get your hair highlighted, get your nails done, take time to read, take time to exercise, buy nice shoes……whatever it is – just do it.
Jenna, I am truly proud of the young woman you have become and I take pleasure knowing that I have been a part of it. I truly love spending time with you or just talking with you on the phone. When I hear your voice my heart truly skips a beat. You inspire me and parenting you has made me a better person. You came into this world with many special gifts that made me become a more assertive parent and an advocate for you and all your siblings. I have tried every day to set an example for you, to make sure you know that there is nothing you can’t do in this world. I could go on and on listing your accomplishments but truly I am the most proud of who you are as a person. Your kindness, compassion, and the depth of your emotion make my soul sing! I have always been proud to be your mother and now I get to be proud of you as my friend as well.
I want to add that throughout your life there will continue to be times when you need me. Don’t hesitate to call me – anytime anywhere. There is nothing you can’t share with me. Ok, well maybe some things….haha! Seriously though, I will be there for you – ALWAYS. Even when I have left this earth I know I will still be there for you – I am just too stubborn to go away! Come to me if you ever need advice. I don’t think anyone knows you as well as I do. I give the best fashion, boyfriend, career advice and you know it!! Haha As always, I will give you my thoughts. I will understand that you may not always take my advice, and that’s ok, just don’t hesitate to ask me. It is not a weakness to need your mom. I have always appreciated being able to call Grandma up whenever I needed to. I will always be your mom and you will forever be my baby. I am your biggest cheerleader and the founding member of your fan club. I will stand beside you, hug you, kiss you, and hold you in my arms, whenever you need me too. In fact, I would love to.
So I guess I need to wrap this up. Enjoy these last few weeks at Harvard and get excited - because as much as you have loved the last four years I am convinced that the fun is only beginning for you. The world is waiting for you and doors will be opening up all over. You will likely get pulled in many different directions. Go with your heart and take time to enjoy the journey. Remember always that you have your family and God as your rock and foundation. We love you so, so much!
You are a gift.
Love you to the moon and back,
Mom xoxoxo
Lesson learned: Take time to consider all the lessons you have learned and pass them along to the ones you love.
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